#3 LOVE

2010-09-18T15:51:00.004+08:00

yo peeps!
just here to do some minor updates.

my new blog's up!

find the url in the links.

or just click here

thanks. :D

2010-05-08T21:44:00.003+08:00

Mid-years have already started.
really speechless.
the papers were like..so damn difficult.
anyway,Liyun & I watched the Back-Up Plan.
Led by Alex O'Loughin & Jenifer Lopez!!
It's so cool okay!!
It was a real nice show.
I suggest you guys watch it!!
&& We're planning to watch The Last Song(even though i hated miley cyrus) ,Karate Kid, Shrek :forever & after & some others.
After the exams!!
who wanna come?!!
.
I realy cannot wait for the examinations to be over.
then i'll start my revision for prelims & N'levels.
I need a job real bad.
i miss my CON3B kids & I really cant wait for their confirmation!!
.
I need to see the doc soon.
my muscles hurt,i might have asthma again & my Bi-Polar illness is really very bad.
i could hardly control myself.
I'm sorry guys,to all those who tried to help me.
.
.

maybe i'm a dickhead.

but im trying to change.

I really really hate you,MARC.

freak.

2010-04-15T20:49:00.004+08:00

Honestly,i've loads to complain.

HUMAN BEINGS ARE THE WORSE ANIMALS.

with exceptions to a few people.

They never ever care about what people feel.

they simply dont give a crap to it.

12th April- St.Patrick's concert!!

wooohooo!!

It was so cool,like after school,liyun & I went to ion Prologue to shop & ate something nice & went for the concert.

Top,first class standard as usual.

had like chinese test the next day & i slept.

seriously,its too difficult,set by mdm khong.

had math test before it anyway,brain cells died.

nothing much left.

prize giving day on saturday & gym on sunday.

ciaos.

these few days,walk without a life,just like zombies.

even the mask i wear,shows no happiness.

just grievance.

2010-04-03T18:54:00.002+08:00

I.Honestly.Dont.Get.People.These.Days.
.
seriously,i've no idea what people are up to nowadays,especially youngsters.
Love,the cause of all broken friendship,of all broken family.
if there's no love,there's greed.
if there's love,there's jealousy.
seriously,i wonder why love is the cause of all these.
Almost everyday,you could see people breaking up,quarrelling in public.
They say love is blind,but they also say love at first sight.
so which is which?
if love was blind,no one could see it,or feel it.
if there's love at first sight,everyone would fight for it.
I really wonder if humans these days are really humans.
Or are they just animals in human forms?
.
.
.

Love is blind at first sight.

2010-04-02T07:21:00.002+08:00

Back to blogging~
school life,boring as usual.
not even a small bit of fun in it.
anyway,on wednesday,
liyun & I was walking towards westmall & eating at the same time,
& we saw a guy urinating in public!!!
Chuankai saw it too & we all started laughing.
seriousy,that guy needs to grow up.
.
yesterday,we all had cross-country.
& sometimes,uneducated people will find trouble with you.
even though i was cheering them on,they shouted & asked me to shut up.
what the...
obviously i will not.
& the story goes on.
but the interesting part is,me getting angry=me crying.
somehow,its always like that.
.
went to westmall & ate kfc.
wanted to catch a movie but the timings clashed,& there was a long queue.
so we didnt watch.
shopped around & we went on our own ways.
went to find Vengyan under the void deck of her block
& took tickets from her.
she thought i wouldnt go.
anyway,took a train to toa payoh.
walked to church & prepared for the meal.
.
when it started at 1930hrs,
we started distributing food.
& the guys in my class were all food tanks.
they could eat alot!!
Harrison started joking with me,but it was alright.
& i kept giving them more food & alot of drinks.
cool right!!
finished at about 10plus.
& took a bus home.
.
.
.
.

it's too late to apologize

2010-03-21T18:49:00.004+08:00

had a not-so-fun holiday.

went to school on monday for chemistry remedial.

got insulted by mr thiru.

went to the docs at polyclinic to get an MC.

but the doc gave me an outpatient leave instead.

was scolding & insulting the doc because of his thai accent.

met Alicia & Leeyen,headed to koufu to have lunch.

had band practice cum band camp on wednesday.

had band practice in the morning & also emath test.

followed by a string of games in the afternoon till evening.

throughout,scolded a junior for irritating me.

faced some groups during certain games who cheated.

had dinner which consisted of only a piece of fried chicken & plain rice.

the meat of the chicken was disgusting as it looked raw.

watched titanic & shared chips.

the show even after watching a million times,it wont be boring cause its so touching!!

famous phrase: you jump,i jump

had nightwalk & some juniors spoiled some fun.

but made the group members look retarded though.

had a refreshing bath & shared stories within a few people.

breakfast was egg sandwhich the next morning.

finished watching titanic & had spring cleaning.

went to have lunch with Alicia.

now that the hols are coming to an end,

its time to start on the hateful monster named HOMEWORK.

'N' level this year,is much more stressing than what i expected.

gotta buck up!

Try hard,Fall harder.

2010-03-14T14:02:00.002+08:00

boring holidays.
expected.

oh well,results for CT1 were not so bad.
had that 3-day boring day camp event.
it ended up in an argument/fight.

anyway,went out to have lunch with alicia & liyun.
then really had a good time laughing too.
on saturday,
went to the library with them to study & finish up the homeworks.
but ended up slacking abit & having a pinic.
had dinner & went home.

oh yes,
do tell me if you wanna go to pulau ubin to cycle by june.
as i will be planning a group event.
happy holidays!

2010-02-09T22:17:00.002+08:00

chinese new year around the corner,common test around the corner.
whats worse..?
MY FISHING HP SPOILED.
still can spoil right in front of me.
freaking pissed at that slut for not having my phone changed.
argh.
whatever.

tomorrow's the full dress rehearsal.
i cant be bothered much.
so troublesome,so irritating.

& by the way,i dont care about what i am gonna say now.

I HATE TAN ZIWEI

2010-02-05T22:22:00.002+08:00

all i ever ask i peace.
nothing else.
but yet,every single day,
things happen.for a bad cause.
spoiling my entire idea of forgiving & a happy family.

everyone would probably have their happily ever after with their families,
but it looks like it wont work for me anymore.
no happiness.
no peace.

going home everyday thinking about how happy we could be,
but the word,WE, doesnt exist anymore.
not in my story.

instead of being cared like what other parents would,
being ill-treated instead.
being scolded at for utmost no reasons.
shouted at like a dog,treated like a maid.

tears gushed,but forced back.
heart wanting to shout out,but was told to be mute.
thoughts of death,was stopped by.

facing this crap,facing craps in school.
crap as an SC,toughness as a teacher.
stress piles up.depression moves in.

ARGH,was all my mind could think of.
concentration level drops.
eyes grows heavy & weak.
memory gets weaker.
heart gets softer.

just ARGH!

2010-02-01T19:35:00.002+08:00

i just wanna run away from home.

2010-01-30T09:11:00.005+08:00

Somehow,every friday,

i seem to be like oh-so

emo.

But im not.

Liza kept calling me an emo

b**ch.

always

happens.

oh oh,and by the way,

there's this OMFG nice song man.

It's the first song on my blog playlist,

you'll be probably listening to it now!

its freaking nice okay!!

Here's the lyrics:

EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
IF YOURE IN LOVE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP,

YOU KNOW YOU NEED SOMEONE,
WHEN THE NEEDS SO STRONG,
WHEN THEYRE GONE YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO GO ON,
SO THE WHOLE WORLD IS STUCK IN A MOMENT,
STANDING STILL UNTIL THEY COME BACK,
YOU ACCEPT THAT THEYVE, GOT THINGS TO DO,
BUT SOMETIMES IN THE END THERES NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU,
IF HURT IS MISSING YOUR BABY,
IVE DONE TOO MUCH OF IT LATELY,

EVERY MINUTES LIKE AN HOUR,
EVERY HOURS LIKE A DAY,
EVERY DAY LASTS FOREVER,
BUT WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA DO,
ID WAIT FOREVER AND A DAY FOR YOU,
I WAIT UP, WAIT UP,

I CANT EAT, I CANT SLEEP, WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE,
MISSING YOU SO DEEP,
LONG AS IM WHERE YOURE GOING TO,
ID WAIT FOREVER AND A DAY FOR YOU,
I WAIT UP, WAIT UP FOR YOU,

AND EVEN WHEN WE MAD, AND SAY WERE THROUGH,
DEEP INSIDE YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY I DO,
MIGHT AS WELL TURN AROUND AND JUST END THIS,
CAUSE ITS HARDER TRYING TO STAY MAD,
I COULD TELL YOU THAT YOU CANT STAY HERE,
KNOWING JUST AS SOON AS YOU DISAPPEAR,
THAT ILL BE MISSING YOU BABY,
SOON AS YOU GET UP AND YOU WALK AWAY,

EVERY MINUTES LIKE AN HOUR,
EVERY HOURS LIKE A DAY,
EVERY DAY LASTS FOREVER,
BUT WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA DO,
ID WAIT FOREVER AND A DAY FOR YOU,
I WAIT UP, WAIT UP,

I CANT EAT, I CANT SLEEP, WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE,
MISSING YOU SO DEEP,
LONG AS IM WHERE YOURE GOING TO,
ID WAIT FOREVER AND A DAY FOR YOU,
I WAIT UP, WAIT UP FOR YOU,

EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
IF YOURE IN LOVE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP

EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
EVERYBODY IN LOVE, GO ON PUT YOUR HANDS UP,
IF YOURE IN LOVE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP

EVERY MINUTES LIKE AN HOUR,
EVERY HOURS LIKE A DAY,
EVERY DAY LASTS FOREVER,
BUT WHAT ELSE AM I GONNA DO,
ID WAIT FOREVER AND A DAY FOR YOU,
I WAIT UP, WAIT UP,

I CANT EAT, I CANT SLEEP, WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE,
MISSING YOU SO DEEP,
LONG AS IM WHERE YOURE GOING TO,
ID WAIT FOREVER AND A DAY FOR YOU,
I WAIT UP, WAIT UP FOR YOU.

cool right!!

the mtv rocks too!

sometimes i just wanna scream my lungs out

shout my heart out.

but when i look around,

there is no one there.

2010-01-20T21:26:00.002+08:00

i dont know why i am so

sad

these days.

Overcoming me

being

depressed all the time.

Trying to find out what's

complete insanity,

craziness spreads to the clean

part of my brain.

Trying to stop thinking of

death

makes me go crazier by

the minute.

I dont know,what's ever gonna

happen to

me.

sometimes i think about you,

sometimes i hate you.

but in whatever,

leave me alone,

give me peace.

2010-01-17T10:41:00.002+08:00

illness,sadness.

complete insanity.

sometimes it comes,it goes.

other times,it doesnt.

what is it?

i dont know.

all i know is.

NO ONE REALLY CARES.

What is complete insanity?

2010-01-16T09:38:00.004+08:00

OH MY GWAD!OH MY GWAD!
IM GONNA TEACH TODAY!
AH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well,nothing else could calm this feeling of ecstasy down!!
except that,
i couldn't msg my mum.

complete sadness.
but i will,today!!
i cant wait any longer!!
gonna start a weekly journal,on blog.
trying to make it like a..hmm..
lit. style?

anyway,here it goes:

the past week have been one of the worse weeks ever,
probably name the TOP10 best & worse times ever.
.
.
Top 10 best times ever:

10)Played Bomberman 2 everyday.

9)Somehow,gave my best for the chinese test.

8)Never failed to go online everyday.

7)Always late for duty,but earlier than Vengyan.

6)Forced myself to understand the crappy math.

5)Meditated(like finally)

4)Spent less than 5bucks a day,excluding dinner.

3)drank the best herbal soup ever.

2)Crazily,managed to finish all the math hw in a day.

#1 BEST TIMES EVER:

Became the quietest person in class for the past 2days.(knowing that im a noisy person)

Top 10 worse times ever:

10)Moodswings.

9)Complete sadness.

8)Fear of loneliness.

7)Sense of insecurity ALWAYS.

6)Depression.

5)Fear of being bullied.

4)Pissed mum off.

3)Dreams.

2)Death.

#1 WORSE TIME EVER:

Complete Insanity

Oh well,never did i knew that my week was that simple,

only after looking back at it.

nothing beats more than just having friends who you dont trust around you.

only those few who i trust.

Complete Insanity?

Instant craziness

Sense of loneliness?

Just let it be

Dreams?

Can never be stopped

Fear of being bullied?

Let it be

Moodswings?

Swinging in you

Complete sadness?

Without happiness

Depression?

Just complete extreme sadness

Pissed mum off?

Pissing me off

Death?

'Till death comes.

My diary shall end here today.

read it without knowledge.

2010-01-10T19:18:00.004+08:00

got commissioned as a teacher in church today.
cab to church with joachim anyway.
the shirt that was given was like.... SO BIG!!
woah.
anyway,it was an honour that 5 of us came from joachim's & jerome's class!!
went to kfc with michele & her mum.
had a nice 'long' talk.
wow,good luck mich.

rushed home to do up my undone homework.
bored now.
whatever.

sometimes i wonder why is it that im always stucked in the middle.

with events happening from both sides.

why me?

all i need is a happy family.

why this?

& i seriously dont know what to do.

slash myself?

eat 20 pandols again?

smoke?

cry everyday to sleep?

be a complete emo?

what else?

commit suicide?

i seriously dont know.

i would've been dead a long time ago.

but i dont know why am i still alive.

who knows,maybe everyone will rejoice when im dead?

maybe the problems will subside?

maybe the family will be happier when im not around?

why cant anyone understand?

why?

JUST TELL ME WHY.

2010-01-09T20:22:00.003+08:00

was really pissed by this white guy in school yesterday.
frankly asking my SL about me?
dude,get your facts right.
argh.
rushed to church after band ended at around 6plus?
wow,luckily desiree was there,& i was all green.
played ice-breakers with M&M's.
watched some videos & was told to sign up to plan for stuff.
& I signed up for the planning of the youth camp & maundy thursday.
gwad,hopefully everything goes well.

met lisa at lester's office & saw joachim.
surprisingly when we walked to macdonalds,
victoria was there.
& during our walks to shop&save,vic & lisa were always on the same decision,while me & joachim.
took 105 home,& slept in the bus.
joachim sent me all the way home & walked back.
poor guy,he was injured.

had the basic catechist workshop this morning & it was kinda boring~
its like,wow,so many old people.
anyway,bro got into 4B & sis into 5A.
really hope they put michele & I into the same class.
sadly,not gonna be with jerome & joachim.
tomorrow's gonna be the commisioning of us,
full-time teachers!!

thats it.

no more.

its never gonna happen anymore.

both of us were never meant to be together.

so shut up mark.

2010-01-05T20:04:00.002+08:00

Second day of schoool~

had duty in the morning,surprisingly,
my group catched up quite fast,
as compared to last year's sec2 juniors.

had E-math for the first 2 periods & it was like a lullaby to sleep.
followed by chinese.
since it was banded,apparently,i got into the third band.
miss pei was our teacher anyway,
set our target,took dates down,etc.
then it was the choosing of rep.
& some oh-so "kind" ppl volunteered & voted me to be the chinese rep.
terror!!

recess was still as boring as ever.
chemistry was another lullaby to sleep.
was shot on my head by mr.thiru who used a rubber band to shoot.
lesson was as funny as ever.

english next & i could see that everyone hated miss teo.
that white cabbage.
opps.
her lesson was the worst!
urgh.
social studies was story-telling by mr.pang & he told us stories about prison etc.

had lunch & went home.
cant wait for tmr.

~au revoir~

2010-01-01T19:44:00.002+08:00

Happy new year once again!!

oh well,
2009's over,welcoming 2010.
new New year resolutions.
cant wait for school to resume too!!
wanna see how retarded ive become.(i was always retarded)
also wanna see how tall the guys have grown(or fat)
haha.
havent done one of my math hw plus chinese!!
ah!!!
sheesh.
should start working on that too.
but well,fun's first before its over.
im not gonna care abit about those friends who backstabbed alot.
i know my other good/close/best friends are there for me.
oh well,let whatever happen,happen.

i feel like a moron.

i feel so dumb.

why?

cause i'm always giving in to wrong stuff.

i seriously dont know.

i dont know why i have these types of friends.

looks like the year ahead isn't clear.

its gonna be rocky & rough.

but still,i'll persevere,

cause mummy always said determination!

~ends~

2010-01-01T00:44:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

happy belated birthday wishes to my hyper b***h!!
sorry that i was unable to attend your celebration ya?
was ill.
school's gonna resume soon!!
cant wait!!
haha.
oh whatever.
N'level next year,gonna chiong on eng & chinese!!

oh well.
msg for wings~:
hey!
im never angry with you.
sometimes i dont talk is because im concentrating,not ignoring you.
please cheer up.smile always~

2009-12-18T00:32:00.003+08:00

no one cares.

& i dont care too.

whatsoever.

humans will never change,will they?

are second chances meant to be given?

maybe yes,maybe no?

or is it always yes?

Should I give it a shot?

Should I give him another chance?

2009-12-16T21:12:00.002+08:00

hello!
have not been updating for a very long time.
well,here are some updates.

yesterday,15th december '09,
we had our SL bonding day,planned by the secondary 2 '08.
didnt wanted to attend actually,but thought that a donkey might be lonely.
went & had brunch with donkey at koufu.
gathered up & donkey wasnt in the same group as me,but anyway,shhh.
blah blah blah.
shermane's 10bucks was torn by me.

anyway,reached westcoast & the games started.
the first game my group had was not so bad.
wait,there were 4 of us,
that cute sec2 guy,siyang,donkey & i.
we had this passing of message game.
blah blah blah.

next,we went to a very disgusting game.
we had a DISGUSTING twister.
& i really meant DISGUSTING.
totally.
there were mayo,basil seeds,tomato sause,sesame sause on it.
& actually,i was the cleanest after the game,haha.

then was captain sponge.
game of captain's ball,with sponge.
was quite okay too.

then was the sweet game i suppose.
quite lame actually.

had a good break,cause ms chew was there & it started drizzling,
so she called the other games off.
was talking to other sec3's about this person that we really dislike.
sheesh.

anyway,we had dinner,IN THE DARK.
but there was a cute little boy dancing & it was some good entertainment.
anyway,chatted with donkey during dinner.
washed up & took 189 to clementi mrt station,saw her off & i walked home.

really should start on my hw now.
relized that there were tons of them.
haha.
plus chinese assessment.

au revoir!

2009-12-05T22:31:00.002+08:00

one moment,its peace.

next moment,its scoldings.

it aint as if im always at fault when im not.

argh.

just how i wish that i could just be gone,

gone with the wind,

i dont care.

gone,far away from home,

a place i'll never ever wanna be.

whatever.

i dont gove a damn anymore.

oh well,the secret to living happy is,

to be contented with everything.

too bad,

im not a happy-go-lucky person.

oh whatever.

i cant be bothered.

whatever.

home scoldings,

home fightings.

i'll never get bored with this,

as it goes on everyday.

boring life.

i dont give a damn.

whatever.

not bothered anymore.

goodbye.

2009-11-24T09:21:00.005+08:00

Waihian & I

Lijing & I

Joachim,Desiree,Michele,Lester & I

Above are pictures taken after mass.

Was Confirmed on the 22nd of November 2009.

It'll be the last time i'll see everyone,except for those who joined the youth groups (& of course,me in a dress).
Luckily,i was attracted to join RCYC,youth council

& Jessa told me that whoever joins RCYC will come out with a couple.

Well,anyways,

it was really sad,thought i would end up crying but hey! i didnt cry at all.

Instead,happiness filled my heart for everyone!!

CON3B FOREVER!!

Lijing & Waihian attended mass,thanks guys.

Received alot of notes & a sunflower from Jerome Wong!

thanks man!

Had a few snaps with others!

All uploaded to facebook!!

Will miss CON3B & others!!=(

Must meet up soon for BBQ!!!

yours sincerely,

Claudia.

2009-11-20T16:00:00.009+08:00

Here are some photos taken during the 2camps:

Confirmation & SL camp:

Group 12:St.John Bosco

Group 12:St.John Bosco
Group 12:St.John Bosco
CON 3B!!
CON 3B!!
SL Camp

Cool right?

6days of camp straight.

haha.

hopefully,mr mark will talk soon.XD

~byes~

2009-11-12T11:05:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK~!~!

Hey People!
Here's 2 notes.

Note:
-Please do not message me from the 13th of november to the 18th of november,this friday 'till next wednesday.
-having 2 camps straight.
-if you refuse to listen,i'll reply you as soon as i get my phone.
Thanks!

CON3B Note:
-There will be a final gathering on the 21st November 2009.
-It will be after the rehearsal,so PLEASE DO NOT RUN.
-We're going to have lunch as a class,CON3B!!
-Try your best to attend!!

-There will be a final class photo after mass on the 22nd November 2009.
-Please do not run after mass.
-Photo will be taken for CON3B,all in suits/tuxedos & dresses.
Thanks!!

Smile always people!!

2009-10-31T09:03:00.003+08:00

Finally,im updating my oh-so dead blog.
sheesh.
just some random updates yea?

was elated when i realized that i passed my chinese paper1!!
well,the teacher let us glance at our paper.
as each day passes,it gets boring,very boring.
well,school is as usual,just that there is school next week too.
BORING.
today would be the second last day of cat. class,i bet everyone will be sad ya.

well,what i mean is,we've been together as a class since primary3.
dude,thats like...7 years!!
then,its all over now,soon,syddenly,memories will be kept deep in.

hmm...
mrs loh teachings have drop alot,as in,the standard.
from bad to worse i suppose?
the moment she enters & starts teaching,my mind would just *poof* & there would be nothing inside.
well,she's teaching Amath,more Amath & even more Amath.
B-O-R-I-N-G.

wow,bonds between friends have broken & loosen.
sometimes i really wonder what the true meaning of friends,as in not the sentence "true friends are those who stay by your side when others walked out in your life"
that sentence above,thinking about it,confusion would spur from somewhere & my mind would go bonkers.
for now,i can say that my true friends are my best friends,Alicia,Waihian,Liza,etc & some others like Lijing,Liyun & Denise?
as for the rest,i cant say anything.

oh yes,
letting my compressed anger out ya?

dude,dont think that you're always right,cause you're not.
dont always cover up for those close to you & pick on me.
i know my stand,so stop trying to correct my mistake,& moreover,you're not someone perfect too.
why dont you ask all of them to just stop saying "oh my god"?why must you always tell me that im wrong to say it when i know it?why dont you tell others too?
dude,you're a christian,like do you think i care?im a christian too,a catholic.
its not as if other christians have never said it before or you have never said it before.
so stop being a busybody in my business.
oh yes,
STOP POKING YOUR DAMN NOSE INTO MY BUSINESS OR CONVERSATIONS.
B*T**.

thats all guys.
wait for the next update.
goodbyes~

~ends~

2009-10-17T18:08:00.002+08:00

oh well.
life gets harder as each day passes.
well,at least,for me.

was back to class after duty yesterday & probably someone ahd spoiled my mood after a long time.
thanks loads,for spoiling my mood.
LIKE HELLO?!
I HAVE MY PROBLEMS TOO & ITS JUST THAT YOU DONT KNOW,SO STOP SPOILING MY MOOD AS IF THE WORLD OWES YOU.

forget it,i wont entertain losers with big mouth.
anyway,while i was trying to suppress the anger & hatred,it was expressed through words in a composition instead.
the relieve teacher who relieved my class walked pass & looked at it.
giving me the rhetorical look,she said,"oh really?"

well,the day wasnt as bad as it is,not until a group of noisy monkey came & screamed at my staircase,not all though.
headaches headaches.
once again,anger was forced to lower itself down.

got back my E.Math paper & guessed what?
I passed!!
woots~
& flunk my chinese & social studies.
oh well,perserverance & hardwork is needed for the next year's examinations.

as for band,first practice after a hiatus from band.
aziz had worn braces!!
& it was funny to hear him speak,as if he was short-tongued.
*laughs*
anyways,band ended & going one with a heavy heart,breath was shortened.
somehow.

i just dont understand why,this feeling always hooks onto me.
whenever exact stuffs happen,this heavy feeling falls like a rock crushing my bones.
the anguishing sadness that penetrates through the cells & veins in me.
this feeling,has visited me before,but when...?
i cant remember,i wont bother to,just let me be,be who i really am...
i wont let this suffering pull me down after many people have tried to get rid of it.
i will not let them down now.
i will pull through this ordeal...

oh well,as it is.

2009-10-08T13:50:00.003+08:00

you guys have to watch these videos.they're so adorable!!

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/33205603/ns/today-today_pets/?GT1=43001

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/33205861#33090794

more can be found at http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/32984404#32984404

2009-10-02T23:21:00.000+08:00

Maybe its true as said.

I do s**k.

I really dunnoe who to turn to.

Claudia,youre gonna be Symforian soon.

anyway,

chinese paper today & it was a load off my mind after it ended.

2009-09-23T20:51:00.003+08:00

kinda quiet these few days,
as in,
no vulgarities,no noises.=D
but the only person who can ever spoil my fantastic fake mood is...
JERRY LEE.
the old teacher who anyhow gives marks.
please,dont teach us english,im failing.D=

well,im so bored.
so i ripped this quiz off weining's blog.

What was your:
1.Last beverage:
-Peach Tea
2.Last phone call:
-Mark =D
3.Last text message:
-Alicia!!XD
4.Last song you listened to:
-Truly Madly Deeply by Cascada
5.Last time you cried:
-Yesterday
6.Have you ever date:
-Yes.
8.kissed someone and regretted it:
-Never kissed.
9.lost someone special:
-Yes.
10.Been depressed:
-Yes.
11.Been drunk and threw up:
-No,i can hold my liquer well.

List three favourite colours:
12.Green
13.White
14.Orange

This year have you:
15.made a new friend:
-Yes.
16.fallen out of love:
-Yes
17.laughed until you cried:
-Yes.
18.met someone who changed you:
-Yes.
19.found out who your true friends are:
-Yes
20.found out someone was talking about you:
-Yes.
21.kissed anyone on your friend's list:
-No
22.how many people on your friend's list do you know in real life?
-100%
23.how many kids do you want to have?
-Maybe 2?
24.Do you have any pets?
-Is carebear counted?
25.do you want to change your name?
-No.Panda!!
26.what did you do for your last birthday?
-Watched "The Haunting in Connectticut"
27.what time did you wake up today?
-5.30am
28.what were you doing at midnight last night?
-Talking to Mark in Maple
29.name something you cannot wait for:
-Holiday
30.last time you saw your mother:
-Today
31.what is the one thing you wish you could change about your life?
-My life.
32.what are you listening to right now?
-Everytime we touch by Cascada
33.have you ever talked to a person named Tom?
-Tommy?
34.what's getting on your nerves right now?
-My headache
35.most visited webpage:
-Animeseason.com
36.What's your real name?
-Claudia Symforian L.Y.X. (too long la)
37.Nicknames:
-Panda!!
38.relationship status:
-Attached
39.Zodiac/horoscope:
-Dog/Cancer!!
40.male or female:
-Female
41.Elementary school:
-Marymount Convent School
42.Middle school:
-Hillgrove Secondary School.
43.High school/college:
-Whales?
44.Hair colour:
-Dark colored.
45.Long or short:
-Long
46.Height:
-1.64m
47.Do you have a crush on someone:
-No
48.what do you like about yourself:
-My cravings for green!!
49.piercings:
-Ears,tragus.
50.tattoo:
-No.
51.righty or lefty:
-Right

Firsts
52.First surgery:
-6?
53.First piercing:
-5 years,ears.
54.First best friend:
-Liza
55.First sport you joined:
-Swimming!!
56.First vacation:
-Thailand
57.First pair of trainers:
-Rebooks

Right now:
58.Eating:
-Nothing
59.Drinking:
-Nothing.
60.I'm about to:
-Sleep
61.Listening to:
-Piece of Heaven by Cascada
62.Waiting on:
-My bed

Your future:
63.Want kids:
-Yes
64.Get married:
-Maybe
65.career:
-Yes.

Which is better ?
66.lips or eyes?
-Eyes.
67.hugs or kisses?
-Hugs
68.shorter or taller?
-None
69.Older or younger?
-Younger.
70.Romantic or spontaneous?
-Both
71.Nice stomach or nice arms?
-None
72.Sensitive or loud?
-Sensitive.
73.Hook-up or relationship?
-Relationship.
74.Trouble maker or hesitant:
-Hesitant.

Have you ever :
75.Kissed a stranger?
-No
76.Drank hard liquor?
Yes.
77.Lost glasses/contacts?
-No.
78.Sex on first date?
-No.
79.Broken someone's heart?
-Yes.
80.Been arrested?
-No.
81.Turned someone down?
-Yes
82.Cried when someone died?
-No.
83.Fallen for a friend:
-??

Do you believe in :
84.Yourself?
-i dont think so
85.Miracles?
-Yes.
86.Love at first sight?
-Yes.
87.Heaven?
-Yes.
88.Santa claus?
-No
89.Kiss on the first date?
-Maybe
90.Angels:
-Yes.

Answer truthfully:
91.Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at one time?
-No.
92.Did you sing today?
-No
93.Ever cheated on somebody?
-No.
94.If you could go back in time, how far will you go?
-I'd rather not
95.If you could pick a day from last year and relive it , what would it be?
-Christmas
96.Are you afraid of falling in love?
-Maybe?
97.Do you prefer dark or light?
-Light.
98.Emo or happy?
-Emo
99.Friends or alone?
-Friends.
100.posting this as 100 truths:
-Yes

~Ends~

2009-09-19T22:11:00.003+08:00

wow.
like finally,im updating.haha.

shedule for the upcoming week & the previous weeks have been tight,due to the upcoming examinations.
but,after all,we are still humans & have to relax yea?
BUT,some teachers just dont understand & gave us ALOT of AMATH homework.
come on man.
we're just kids!!
nevermind.
band still okays,just that the people in my section cant stand being in the centre of 2 people arguing anymore.
haha.pitiful people.

hmmm...
let me put a uplifting note okay?
i am....
i am.....
i am......
i am GONNA STUDY REAL HARD FOR THE EXAMINATIONS.
I'm not ga disappoint anyone for not trying now.
especially those who had helped me alot,for example,
Mummy & Liyun.

& after the examinations,
I'm gonna chiong my maple until i reach level 70.
so that weijien can give me my 200million mesos.
haha.

So good luck to everyone out there taking the EOY examinations,as well as,
To those who are taking their N's,O's & A's.
especially mark.=D
haha.
GOOD LUCK PEEPS~~

~ends~

2009-09-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

i am just not me anymore.

i dont understand myself,despite others.

how can i respect others when i dont respect myself?

how can let the past go without using it for the future?

how can i cry everytime i get angry?

claudia lim,you're the biggest loser ever.

2009-09-06T17:16:00.002+08:00

Yooooooooooooooooooo!!
have not been updating for quite a while.
so im back to update today~

Teacher's Day
Went back to MCS & visited the teaches there.
Wished the teachers' & they knew what was going on on my mind.
how did they remember me?
ms choy said that i was the one giving her alot of complications & trouble.
ms tay said that i was always skipping her math & science remedial class,just to go for swimming.
ms tan had no comments,but she asked about my chinese.
ms fernadez & ms joseph asked if i had a sister. =.=
waited for jessa as she rushed to school & then we took a bus down to novena square.
met monica,serika & andrew there.
well,was quite fun though.

Band Camp
It was after school & lucky i was smart enough to squeeze my amath textbook into my file.
had practice as usual.
followed by some games,which *cough cough* & was fun.
dinner was up next & it was damn nice.
though it was in the dark,my oh-so f**ked up group leader was missing & he fly somewhere else.
the treble clef on the ground was fantastic & the food was good.
after the dinner buffet,was games.
CLUEDO,-a game i never lose at.=D
as usual,the group leader fly somewhere.
well,the acting was quite nice but some people think that we're laughing at their acting.
how sour.
lik hello?its a game,why be so serious?

went to the gym as one of the senarios,laughed because of the paperwork sentence & also because the actress had the face of "i cannot control anymore".
after that,we played hide&seek as a group.
quite boring & scary though.
bathed & went back to the gym for nights out.
was telling ghost stories & many dispersed to sleep soon after.
slept at 4am with yingshuen.
woke up wth a startled shock at 6.45am.
went to bathe & both of us were surprised that it was not crowded like the previous camps.
got ready for breakfast.
went down & was served beehoon.
practice continued as usual.
played caterpilla after that.
& my finger was slammed by a plum person.
now my finger's swollen.

rushed to change & took a cab home first,dumped my stuff home & took a bus down to church.
we had sharing sessions in groups.
then it was early dinner.
walked to the destination.
then entered & everyone was suddenly filled with the HS.
we wer hyper.

then it was the priest's turn to do some "homily"
his homily was quite funny & it brought many thoughts to us.
it was all about hope.

then it came the emotional part.
we knelt as the turbanacle was carried down the aisle.
i stated tearing & then cried.
i couldnt stand it.
then the mc told us to open our hearts & let everything out.
i did.crying out everything that has happened.
& i've finally let God into mine,unlike the previous sessions.
then we had songs.
everyone's mood suddenly changed.
we were hyper again.

went to have supper with lester & his class.
i dont know why i never joined my class.
took 105 home after supper & i was dead tired.

Today
found out that i had flu & my swollen finger was not getting better any moment.
didnt ate breakfast,neither ate lunch.
but im doing the homework that mummy gave.
chinese compo & xi zi.

hopefully that tmr i'll be able to have lunch with stephanie.

~ends~

2009-08-22T23:43:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALICIA TEO!!!

& SHAYMI!!

its gonna be sunday in 15mins.
really got nothing to update also.
well,nothing much.
will update when i have written new stories.

2009-08-12T23:24:00.002+08:00

What an awesome day today was.
Bet some of the students from other classes are jealous.
but well yea?
we had to sacrifice something to have fun right?
we...sacrificed CCA.

Well,left class early,changed,ate a bit more.
hopped onto the bus & travelled to changi MOE adventure centre.
those with slippers were not allowed to kayak,but mr thiru & mr teo helped us explain i suppose?
Billions of thanks!!!
put on the life jacket,aka PFD.
tested it in the sea & WOAH,the current was strong.

so liyun & paired up.
went into the kayak,paddled.
bad thing.
Ivan wanted to make our boat capsized,but failed.
haha.

paddled & liyun was tired,so decided to let her rest while i paddled.
i helped paddled of us everywhere.
well.
went back to the shore,rested,bathed & changed.
took the bus back to school & it was like 6plus already.

i got things to tell you:
1)Piggy Teo played the solo for Shenandoah!!!!=DD
2)I became more tanned.plus more sunburns which hurt.

~ends~

2009-08-06T20:07:00.003+08:00

One Wish

"Happy birthday,dear Rika,happy birthday to you..." Silence penetrated the room.

"Make a wish," my mom said in a sweet ,half-whisper.Her eyes were glittered above the white cake.Was she crying? It tore at my heart that she still looked so sad,now that everything was over. I looked around the room filled with my friends, cousins, uncles and aunties, and then finally my mom and dad standing right next to me. I couldn't help but smile.

I wish...

...

The December morning breeze brushed my long, black hair as I stepped towards the large russet doors of Heindeburg High. It was my first day of school. There were students all over, trotting around with heavy backpacks, slamming lockers and running to catch up with old friends. I wondered who my friends would be. I was a bit anxious because I was starting school two-and-a-half months late.

In the first period, Mrs. Nelson immediately put me on the spot.

"We have a new student." Heart pounding wildly in my chest, I managed a weak smile.

"So,what school are you from?" Mrs. Nelson asked,tilting her head.

"At a...school in Philippines," I replied softly, my voice rising slightly as if I were asking if that was the right answer. Only two weeks ago,my parents and I migrated to Britain, hoping for a bright new life. At that awkward moment in class though, I silently prayed that I would snap out of the bad dream I was in and wake up to the sounds of the sea back home.

"How long did you move here?"

"Uh...two...two weeks ago." I had never stuttered before, but there I was, sounding as if I learned English only last week.

"Welcome to Britian...Rie-ka?"

"Rika"

"Rie-ka." Mrs.Nelson made herself a little note on the roll sheet. Why hadn't my parents just named me Ashley?Or Mary? All I wanted was to be normal. I wanted to be somebody.

At home, my parents spoke to me in Tagalog, and I didn't have any friends yet who spole to me in English. But what was I worrying for anyway? In the Philippines, I had many friends, all the teachers knew me, and I had been getting excellent grades.

Walking through the locker-lined hallways, my dreams shattered like broken glass around me. I was alone, roaming the halls like a lost little kid. I unknowingly avoided interacting with anyone because I was afraid they'd laughed in my face. When my English was better, I decided, I would finally come up to people and maybe manage to say,"Whussup?"

Finally in gym class,a friendly brown face.She almost looked like me, only happier. Her name was Carol. At lunchtime,we found ourselves enjoying the bland cafeteria food. She wanted me to meet her friends. "Don't worry Ate Rika," she assured me, calling me "sister" in Tagalog. "You'll fit in."

And I did. It was as if some foreign soul entered my body and made me do things against my will. I found myself drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and skipping school. I didn't even like the taste of beer. The moment it touched my tongue,I felt like I had to spit it back out. But I didn't. I couldn't afford to look bad and lose my new "friends". I began to miss at least pne day of school a week to hang out with them.Then I missed two, three, even four days in a row.

But while I was having fun with my "friends", inside, I was full of conflict, unhappiness and regret.I stopped practicing my English sentences in front of the mirror and instead practiced,"I don't know why the school called, mom. It was probably a glitch in the system because I did not miss school today."

One day, the school counselor called my mom at the house while I was already at school, and the truth came out. I pushed open the heavy doors of the counselor's stuffy office, dreading the situation I had to face. When my mom lifted her tearful eyes and saw me, I knew I had failed her.

"Why,my child?" she cried. I stood there,sallowing the lump in my throat,but I had nothing to say. I wished she would yell at me, embarrass me or tell me what a bad kid I was. But she didn't. She cried like her only daughter was lost and had run away. My dad flashed me an accusing glare. I looked down - I couldn't bear the hurt in their eyes.

I was so depreesed that night - I was sure I has lost my parents' trust and love. But when I was at my lowest point, my parents came through for me, and I realised just how much they loved me, no matter what.My mom was just worried...so worried in fact that she looked older, as if the years of raising me had drawn lines on her lovely face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." I cried. I wanted to say I was sorry for the failing grades, for all the arguments...for all the lies. But a feeble "I'm sorry" was all I could muster.

"It's okay,honey. Everything will be okay," my mom whispered. My dad ran his fingers tenderly through my hair. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Not the laughing jokes at school, not my friends... not even the familiar teenage longing to be somebody. I was somebody in my parents' eyes.

My parents didn't change how they viewed me, despite everything I had done. They still loved me as their daughter, and I welcomes the forgiveness, understanding and unconditional love in their warm embrace. And now, staring at the green candles on my birthday cake, I only have one wish: That someday, somehow, I can repaymy parents for raising me the way they did and for loving me no matter what.

...

My mom's voice roused me from my thoughts. "Have you made your birthday wish yet, sweetie?" I looked at her, and then at my dad, tears of love and gratitude brimming in my eyes. "Yes,mom."

Then I hugged both of them very tightly.

..............

I dont think i will be posting anything about myself anymore.

i mean,whats the use?

I've decided to write stories,to inspire others to understand why stories are called stories.

~ends~

2009-08-04T20:18:00.004+08:00

Prank

It was a windy day as the breeze coughed through the windows of my home.My parents has decided to migrate to the united states as dad was sent by the company there.As I was rummaging through piles of books,I came across a book,an old one,covered with layers of dust and cobwebs.As the saying goes,curiosity kills the cat,I immediately blew the dust away and cleaned it with a dry cloth.I didnt know what lays in the diary but I was willing to find out.As I flipped through the pages of the diary,I came across an entry regarding a prank played on someone who got hurt physically & emotionally...

"And so,similes are used to compare two different...". Similes,similes,similes.The word just keeps appearing in my head for about the billionth already.Just when Mrs.Smith was about to continue with metaphors,the bell rang.Sighs of relieve was heard and Mrs.Smith gave us the pissed off look.As she walked off,my clique gathered.

"Eh eh,later want to hang out at WhiteSands?" "Cannot,we have remedial later on.Sorry.." As small conversations started among us,Ben suggested an idea,which we never knew,could hurt someone. "Since we have so much time before remedial starts,why not we prank call people?" Ben suggested. "Okay la." The rest agreed.

"Hello,Christine.Lynn fell down at the MRT station.She's injured badly." Ben told Christine. "Oh my god...Are you serious?" Christine replied,worried."Yes." was all Ben could say.He hung the phone up & we started laughing.Ben called Lynn to ask her to play along with them,but Christine had already called & comfirmed.First prank,failed. Ben then decided to prank another person,someone we never knew was hyperaesthetic...

"Hello,Angie.Jane is in the hospital" Ben said. "Sure or not?How you know?" Angie responded. "She just now on the bus so clumsy then fall off the bus." Ben said,sounding sad. "Sure or not..?Okay..." the phone hunged up. A roar of laughter arosed & not everyone cared about what was to happen.As Ben & Angie messaged,I suddenly recalled something.Angie does not cool down if she knew she was pranked on.Soon,many calls came in.Through my phone and other members of my clique.Wanting to end the prank,I called Angie and on the loudspeaker,but no sound came out.Just my luck.I couldnt end it.Then,Steffany came and Ben asked her to act out through the phone.Just as I knew it.It would be worser than I had thought.Angie got worried and called Chris to comfirm the truth.

It was out.The prank failed.But what was worse was...Was that Angie had been emotionally hurt.Not only that.When she received the news,she fell down the stairs & had to have three stiches.This was horrible.She was hurt emotionally and physically..It was something I could never forgive myself from..I failed to stop things from worsening...I have failed...

It has been three weeks since that incident and it had stayed vividly on my mind.It never was vanished nor destroyed.It can never be gone,cause each time Angie passes me,the stiches on her would always remind of the incident.For now,I'll just keep quiet...

As I closed the diary,memories flashed back,as though everything was happening again.Tears rolled down as I regretted what happened on that fateful day.No one expected anything like this to happen...As I continued to pack my books,I kept reminding myself to not make any mistakes like this again in the future..

~ends~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Was quite emotional for today.

Went to the toilet with inging for about a period,just to cry.

she couldnt stand me crying,so too bad.

the day was as bad as ever as my mood went down per periods passes.

nothing left to say.

all i need to say is:

I'm really sorry for whatever that's happened & I only blame myself for it.

~ends~

2009-08-04T01:23:00.002+08:00

Nothing much happened in school yesterday.
Except when after school,we were bored & some goat suggested prank calling people.
we all agreed & the 2nd one was a diaster.
none woulod knew it would stretch so far as one would expect.
the game was supposed to be stopped by me but my phone's speaker didnt budge at that moment.
totally screwed.

the game was continued by goat,when he continued messaging the victim.
then a boat called,verified things & gone case.
we had lost the game.

she sounded pissed & angry.
not even wanting to answer my calls.
none would knew this would happen.
everyone was quiet as i kept thinking about what would happen.
as expected.

wrong person to prank on.

I'm sorry.

really sorry for whatever that has happened yesterday.

2009-08-02T22:38:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow,there's school,boring as ever.

maybe i'll just be my ome self again?

dont be surprised,thanks to some stuff.

I'm sorry it has to end this way.
I dont want it as you do too...
Sorry..

~ends~

2009-07-31T22:41:00.003+08:00

Failing almost every single test i take.
I dont even plan to retake.
I'll change myself then.

Most of the time,I'm treated without respect or with kindness or care.

I'm not those type that will chase you for respect like what some teachers do.

I wont even give a damn about how you treat me or so.

for all it matters is,how you treat me & others,from deep down inside your heart.

Thanks to all who had controlled me,gave me rules,calmed me down,etc.
i would really love to be controlled.
or maybe treated like a dog.
self-control,determination claudia.believe in myself.

~ends~

2009-07-22T19:59:00.005+08:00

read it or not,i dont give a shit to it.

woke up to find messages,replied & bathed.
an hour later,strong wind appeared followed by rain.
walk to the bus stop & was already half-wet.
forget it,just my luck.
reached school,got presents.
was feeling in a not so good mood.
but there's something called fake.

blah blah blah.

went to macdonalds at westmall to have lunch & then watched "The Haunting at Connesticutt".
wenke paid my ticket fee.
entered,was late for the show.
i was like the only one scared.

thanks to cheetat for carrying thla like an idiot,weijien for carrying present,wenke for
ticket,liyun for carrying the presents.

Thanks to:
Liyun & Lijing for the Eeyore.
Waihian for the pirate pig.
Weitai for the green crocodile & panda case.
Alicia pig for the tortise holding the star & the letter.
Jilin for the green alien bank.
Ing,Jingping,Shermane,Tommy,Cheekiat,Chuankai for the green carebear.
Weijien,Kenneth,Wenke for the panda.
Ms Ong for the green flowering pot thingy.

Thanks to:
CY,Liza,Michele,Serika,WeiNing,Vengyan,Ryan,AikHock,ThainSeng,Darren,April,
SiewXin,ShiMin,Azura bear,Ms Fadila,Mr foo for wishing & many more~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

im not in the mood.sorry.

~ends~

2009-07-17T21:35:00.002+08:00

Happy Belated Birthday Wishes to

Nigel & Bryan!!!!

somehow,both are also horn players.

.____.

back to post.

nothing to do.

nothing to say.

just the same old boring things happening in school,

EXCEPT that,

I break school rules.

but sadly,i cant anymore.

so,just gonna be a good student.

ah,whatever~

21 more days~

~ends~

2009-07-17T19:43:00.002+08:00

shall update.
since got someone who wants me to update sweet stuff about him.=D

CY:
this is just for you ah.
better read hor~

i know youre excited for the 21days to pass fast,but too bad~
ahaha~
dont go around bullying teachers in school ah.
& do all your homework,if not i give you more work.
ahaha~
thanks for being the sweetest,most caring bear ever.=D
love ya.<33

bear,love you.

~ends~

2009-07-15T20:11:00.003+08:00

(smart ppl know what the blank below is)

school as usual,normal boring stuffs.
depending on the lesson,whether i eat or laugh with the guys.
ive got nothing to say.
all i can say is :

whatever~

solar eclipse on 22nd july,my OH-SO F*CKED UP BIRTHDAY WHICH F*CKING HELL SUCKS ALL 15 YEARS.
chemistry test on that day too.

Whatever~

I just dont feel that im ready for anything.

All i need is someone to speak the hell out of me,

but none of you could.

~ends~

I just need someone.

no one cares,let it be.

I dont care about myself.

from now onwards,the word "myself"

does not exist in my dictionary.

2009-07-08T21:49:00.003+08:00

okays..
sorry for the lack of updates guys.
laptop got re-booted.

4th July
woke up at around 9am & ah ma went out.
continued sleeping until 1plus.
ah ma called & then headed to toa payoh.
reached & had lunch.
headed to bugis with grandparents to shop.
went home to sleep after shopping.
prepared for sunday.

5th July
sis birthday as well as youth day mass at RC.
went to Novena 8am mass then to have breakfast at fork&spoon.
had korean hotstone mixed rice?
went to meet up with michele & then went to meet amanda.
went for mass & was really noisy,as in our class.
didnt attend the class lunch.
went out with bestie,since we hadnt met up for quite a while.
went to orchard to have lunch at subway & then to Lido to watch Ice Age 3:Dawn of Dinosaurs (3D)

we were making a fool of ourselves la.
after the show ended,went shopping!!
but i admit that fat ass made me wear a dress.
sheesh.
no choice but to get the dress.
went to kfc for dinner & took 105 to jurong.
train-ed to jurong point to find shoes,then took 198 home.

got this group of indians damn irritating.
so best insulted them,started laughing like no one's business.
took some retarded pictures.
maybe i'll upload in facebook.=)

6th July
holiday.
but did homework la.
see,i so guai right?
did nothing except to do homework.

7th July
went to school as usual.
boring life.
after school ended,went to admiralty with liyun to make my spectacles.
looks like my degree increased.
sheesh.
new green spectacles frame.=)
went to get some food & bus-ed home.

8th July,today
got pissed in the morning.
some teachers are damn pissing idiots.
went back to class,boring lessons.
went home immediately after school.
watched tv & fell asleep.

my happiest day.

thanks cy.

~ends~

2009-07-03T23:24:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PEIXIANG!!

people change.things change.feelings change.attitude change.

its not what know,its what i see.
this life i live,is nothing compared to that of an insect.
the emotions,is nothing compared to those of the frail.
the feelings,is nohing compared to that of the weak.
the attitude,is nothing compared to that of the true friends you have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i've decided to drop a math,but i dont now if mum has rquested to the principal or not.
no choice.
my math really sucks.
unless its literature or f&n.
im already mentally shutting down my mind during a math.
hopefully i pass e math & get back my A1's,like i used to.

not gonna update.

~ends~

2009-07-02T23:05:00.004+08:00

Before updating...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO BOTAK!!

JEROME WONG!!!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO LIMIN & LIXIN!!!

geez...
so many ppl birthday in july.
tmr peixiang birtday,sunday sis birthday,tuesday bryan's birthday.
omg...

went out today to get shoes,but was out of stock.
went to the library to do hw with Alicia & Liyun,but nearly got into a heated dispute between me & the security guard.
not my fault.
please la,im only stating facts.
forget it.

maybe its time to forget but i cant~

~ends~

2009-07-01T23:20:00.003+08:00

hmm..
was quite a fun day today.
had math which me & liyun could not wait to finish.
chemistry,didnt had the mood abit & it was not that funny when mr thiru became horny.
english,quiet but still answering questions.
had 3 periods of mr foo's lessons.
mr foo didnt pick on me & i didnt argue back.
goodto.
then mdm toh came in,show us the remedial groups.
seems like im not in the same group as liyun.=(
asked me read the words,didnt speak.embarrassed.

school ended.
went to find band teachers to open band room to take file.
thank goodness.
took & found out that ms sin was a flautist.=)

went to pasta mania with liyun to have lunch.
fantastic but not a huge variety.
her etiquette is not that bad.=)
headed to jurong point to find kappa shoes.
no size.which means is woodlands.
shopped around & went into cards n such.
made the hp strap for sis & JEROME WONG'S birthday,that stupid botak.

it is so unfair when bro gets a PSP & i dont.
screw that shit.
im gonna save until next year to get the GREEN PSP.

~ends~

2009-06-24T22:04:00.002+08:00

I never knew that i have this type of family.
a family that makes me f*cked up.
a family that only knows how to blame,knows how to badmouth me.
I didnt know my ahma was that bad.
I didnt know that she would call me a f*cking girl.
I didnt know my ahgong was that bad to agree.
I didnt know my step-siblings snatched away my happiness.
I didnt know my family would treat me like an outcast.

I dont know that my family would cause me hurt & grief,sadness & pain.

All I know is,
my family dont give a f*cked about me anymore.
my family just simply think im always the troublemaker
Im never treated with care & love.

I just cant wait to NOT turn 15.
I dont want to be 15.
Empty promises.
broken heart.

Im pretty f*cked up now.
I cant stand it anymore.

How i wish i could run away at this point.

Nothing is better to than to die now too.

~ends~

2009-06-23T21:46:00.002+08:00

looks like the camp is gonna be postponed to the september holidays?
full of craps.

what a beautiful day & such lovely mood have I,
UNTIL...
i went home & got into trouble for no reason.
seriously detest against it.
it wasnt even my fault yet i got blamed.
all i did was only keep quiet!!
shall keep quiet more often nowadays.
Cancerians are obedient,moody & emotional people.=)

Let's just hope I will change for the better?
or maybe I already am?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woke up at five plus in the morning to bathe & get my hair done,
but thanks to someone,
i only could start bathing at six.
walked to bus stop,like what i would do on normal days,take my time & then rush.=D
took bus service 189 to the same old bus stop & walked to the bread shop to get a munch,
since an oh-so caring Piggy told me to.
whilst on the way to school,bought a bottle of water & continued walking.

Reached school & realized they had a temperature taking exercize going on.
walked to the band room & set up my instrument set,practically consisting of my precious trombone,trombone stand & of course the music stand.
greased the slide of my precious trombone.

Had rehearsals in the parade square as well as in the hall.
a few rounds of practie was enough to lower my energy level.
was really worn out after the rehearsals.

Dismissed & walked with Liyun to westmall.
oh yes,not to forget,Munleng waswith us as well.
saw Jilin & Jingping at the traffic light & they joined us as well.
made our minds up to have lunch at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
as we were munching away on our Glorious food,
Clement & gang came in.then they went out.
continuing with our normal chatters,
Eunice & gang came along & decided to have their lunch there as well.

Since it was very boring this afternoon,
I suggested that we watch a movie.
all agreed except for Jilin,reason being that it was a horrror movie.
movie was to be due at 1630hrs & we had 2hrs plus to spend.
decided to walk around with Liyun & headed to Tom&Stephanie to "play".
then got our drinks & sat outside a computer hardware shop,lazing around.
chatted with her & listened to music.
Jilin went off & Arvin came along,sat & kept quiet.
horror time.

Headed to the theatre & bought some food.
whilst walking into the cinema finding our seats,somee screamed & shocked me.
sat down & while watching the movie,i screamed.
practically,throuhout the whole movie,i was the only one screaming?
its like freaking scary!!
nearly had a heart attack.=(

Movie ended & i suggessted we walked home.
parted with jingping & carried on with Liyun.
chatted alot.as in ALOT.
bought a bottle of MeiJi milk.
drank the whole bottle finish.
took bus service 188 home.

What a fantastic & fabulous day it is!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks Piggy Teo ZhuZhu =)
for everything!!

I want:
-More chinese spelling.
-More rules.

I will only want to prove that I can do it.

Let's bet,I can keep quiet without retaliating.

'cause I'm willing to change.

~ends~

2009-06-20T21:44:00.006+08:00

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT GIVE A F*CK ALREADY OKAY!!family,mother,father,siblings,grandparents,WHATEVER!!

they dont care,i also dont care.

argh!

WHATEVER!!

i dont give a f*ck to anything.
no proper family,no proper friends(exception to some),whatever.
what you want to do,not my problem.

dont want give money,dont want provide things,I DONT CARE!!

whatever~

cant stand ahgong. has been nagging everytime he comes home.

got so irritated when he kept talking about dad.
so?

since tmr's daddy's day,no enjoyment for me.

whatever.

i dont give a shit anymore.

just gonna emo & mia for the whole of tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

went out with denise today.

was quite fun actually.

went to get some cash from ahma to eat.
went to marina square to eat & walk around.

suggested the esplanade & flyer.

but went to the esplanade & saw a handbell performance.

was quite nice.

then walked out to find the s'pore flyer & saw live jamming.

COOL!

stayed & listened to the music.

took some pictures.

Denise holding a flower

Handbells performance

Live Jamming

Me(Denise insisted that she take one)

I DONT CARE.
completely lost hope in myself.

~ends~

2009-06-16T22:30:00.006+08:00

sorry for the lack of updates these days.
has been quite down these few days,so intentionally refusing to update.

had cat.class outing on last saturday.
went bowling.played 3games.
then went to kallang to play netball.
all the professionals were there for a tournament.
embarrassed ourselves i suppose."==

headaches are coming back these days.

coming back as a regular customer now.

shit.

what am i suppose to do now.

everything's over now.

i dont know what to say.

i dont know what to feel.

most importantly,i dont know what to do.

i thought it would be great,it would continue.

but its not gonna happen now.

got crushed by the news...

~ends~

2009-06-10T23:08:00.005+08:00

sometimes i really wonder if i am really a friend to people around me or just considered as a hi-bye friend.
sometimes i also wonder why am i born like this.
sometimes i wonder if a mother will change for the sake of the love to the child.
sometimes i wonder who is telling the truth & who is a liar.
sometimes,i wonder if all these was god's doings or not.
sometimes,i think that i messed up my life further when its already been messy from the start.
sometimes i think that im not fit to be anyone's friend.
sometimes i wonder when i can stop my life & just drop dead & see the reaction of everyone.
sometimes...
sometimes...
sometimes,i just dont feel like doing anything except to stare into space & day-dream about the future,if i was to live that long.
sometimes,i just wonder about when my death will knock on my door.
sometimes...
sometimes,i just dont feel like updating my blog.

my life is messed im making it messier.

should have just drop dead to stop screwing it right?

screw it.

i wonder if everything's gonna be fine for me...or maybe not?

maybe picking up smoking seems to be a good idea.

or maybe to start of with slashing.

err...no.

start with an overdose first.

haix..

i dont know.

~ends~

2009-06-09T23:31:00.002+08:00

really had fun today.
went to meet Alicia pig & Weining bear at macs,passed present.
then headed to woodlands to pierce my ears.
went to junhong's house?
damn fun!
played with the dog,then watched Boys Before Flowers while the guys played monopoly.
cool.
dragon came & interrupted our movie.
so the guys continued playing.
stopped watching at 7 plus.
went out to play 21,taidi,smack,heartattack.
then sang happy birthday song to weining,with cake.
took photo with waihian,weining,jonathan,bengchew,dragon,junhong.
all act cute.-.-
shall update pictures next time.

i wonder who had solved the code in my previous post EXCEPT for william.
geez..my panda!!
okays,nuts.

i wonder who will know what i know.

~ends~

2009-06-09T00:23:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to WEINING!!

hope that you had a wonderful 16th birthday.

2009-06-09T00:10:00.006+08:00

i really dont understand.

i tried my best.
but everything seems to turn out wrong.
i wonder why..
no one can ever do that.no one.

thank you william for always listening & crapping.

hope that everything your side will go well too.=)

goodnight people.

i dont feel like being online already.

2009-06-08T19:59:00.002+08:00

i dont know i dont care.
im just gonna type whatever my heart tells me to.

i've been hIding in this small,crapped up shell.
whAtever others say,im just imMune to it.
whatever.
no one knows,no one feelS the way i do.
you want to know why?
cause everyone is self-centered,they have theIr own thoughts & feelings.
hence,they cannot feel what i feel.
maybe not everyoNe.
some "Kings" & some "queens."
some are not as heartless as others.
should i count myself as heartless?
i dont know.
i wonder why others have perfect good lIves,while im suffering like a moron here.
they enjoy their lives pretty well to say.
while me,suffer & go through every siNgle shit that will happen anytime.
i wonder why.
this life,after all,is what i have to Go through,be it good or bad.
seriously,i Dont know why it just came out.
recalling everything that happened since birth,i cried out.
i wonder why is my life so scrEwed up,so mEssy.
from nearly thrown death as a baby,crapPed up divorces to nearly getting suspEnded in school years,a neaRly drop out.
As the memories flashed by,i seem to realise somethiNg.i seem to get into more troubles with serious consequences.
i realiseD im Digging my grave.
too much troublEs,too many.
from skipping classes to playing pranks on tEachers,breaking school rules.
it was my mind thinking,not me.
as Psle came closer though,bucking up was on my mind,nothing elEe could distuRb it.
results cAme back & it was Not what i had expected.
tears flowed,people huggeD.
life carried on.
entereD this crapping school with crapping friends & teachers.
lifE was never on the bright side for me.
my whole mindsEt had to be changed,my behaviour changed.
meeting new friends,who influenced me to slash,to do stuff against my inner will.
had the first most disgusting horrible boyfriend one could ever have.
many People knew about it.
but it still ended when it came to a few days bEfore the fiRst month.
started being my emotional self,someone who just kept slAshing herself without thoughts.
it carried on & oN,until secondary2 came.
a little more matureD,most aggressive,more violent,more hot-tempered,more friends..
clique broke,i got pisseD,about everything,until i knew a friEnd,who would help me out.
thank you.
studies deteriorated,more enEmies made,crazier & hot-tempered as ever.
more troubles,more regrets,more consequences.
finally bucked uP & topped the 3rd position in class.
movEd on.
took up the cRaziest combination for a normal academic student -double math.
sec3 life started.
everything changed.
my life changed,my friendS changed,teachers changed,classmates changed.
studies seemed to deteriorate more,with noisy Classmates,& being far apart with the one true friend.
everything seem to be undeR control,except that thEre were more troubles that i Was to face.
defiance leading to dEtention,arguments leaDing to complains,straight-forward attitude Leading to hurt & grIeF.
its mE,i could not do anything.
temptation of breaking ruleS,temptation of trying out new things,new bad things were high.
& i Could not help but to think of it almost eveRyday.
rules were sEt,rules were fixed.
i did things that made people angry,hurt,grieved.
my actions didnt speak louder than my Words.
rEgrets came in again.
everything changeD again.
harsher consequences & rules were set,& this tiMe i will follow it.
to be a bettEr person,a new me.

people,this is my speech,from deep within.
choose to understand or not,its your choice.
i wont force.
but please note,if you can figure what im saying,good for you.

~ends~

2009-06-05T09:06:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i really wonder why is there a word, "friends".
"Friends":
Do they stick to you or betray you?
Do they help you or leave you alone?
Do they suck up to you because you're famous or because you ARE their friend?
Do they talk nice about & backstab you or they just speak their mind?
Who can ever find the meaning of a FRIEND,not "friend".
Everyone has their own.but it depends on how we treat them?
i dont know.maybe?

Fine,i shall speak now.

Denise Wong:
Being with denise,jingping,jilin,inging,shermane AKA my ex-clique?
i wonder how many of them are FRIENDS.
many would say "yea yea,i am your FRIEND" but most probably they would just mean "friend".
I'll tell you the truth.
Only Denise among there is my "FRIEND".
she stuck with me through thick & thin since sec1,talked to me when they was many problems in the clique & i was like the target.
though this year,we're not in the same class,we stil talk & she always has something sweet to say.
Thank you Denise for being a FRIEND.

Liyun the Cloud:
though i only knew her since sec2,she has actually turned out to be very nice.
maybe not at times.
but even whnen i was an outcast from the clique,she accompanied me through my duties,& we did have fun breaking the canteen rules.
She saw my temper,weak anger-management skills & reviles.
& always asks me to calm down,which i had never found the meaning until this year.
in the beginning,i was like stressed about stuff in school & "friends",since it was a new class also.
i kept telling her that everyone changed & she was like,"now then you know ah?"
crap,i am slow.
like an eagle who can spot everything is she & forever she will be.
asked her if i did & she didnt wanted to tell me,but after a few times,she did.yes,i changed for the better.
but now its still horrible.
jeez...
anyways,liyun,thanks for being a FRIEND to me.

Piggy Teo ZHUZHU(Alicia):
We were actually enemies at first,all because of one reckless remark i made in a game of captain's ball about her,even though both our classes hated each other.
word spreaded until it reached her & we had this hatred against each other.
This carried on until sec2,until i joined band & knew liyun better.
thanks to her,we buried the hatchet i suppose?
i forgot how we got each other's contact but it was nice meeting her.
chat about everything & shared secrets.
always there with advices in mind,ready to give them when i need help.
always there for me in times of need.
even though she's ominous,im always frivolous to her threats.
& my obnoxiousness has always land me into loads of troubles even though she talks to me about it.
being very curious,i did something which totally nearly toppled the high rise blocks down & it was not easy to plead with her.
from that day,i swore to myself to never ever make her angry.
but it always fails,cause either mood,sudden reminiscences or my remonstrations makes her pissed..?
really sorry..
thanks for always being there,though sometimes im not.
& for all the advices you gave & always conciliating me.
even though im always quelurous,you always cleared them away.
Really Thank You alot.
once we were enemies,now we're BEST FRIENDS.
Thanks for being my BEST FRIEND!

My 2 Dogs,Weijien & Kenneth:
Weijien for always being my bullying buddy when im down.
& for listening to my problems sometimes & cheering me up.
Kenneth for being helpful even though he's a pervert.-.-
but a really nice person if you know him well.
Thank you for being my FRIEND too!!

Shall not touch on the seniors(sec4s)
thats part of it in that little box which the lock always breaks.
maybe not all,but some of it is out.
I really really appreciate them for everything they had done & i hope our friendships lasts.
Thanks FRIENDS!!

thats all for now.will update later?i mean after band.?

~adios~

2009-06-02T21:52:00.002+08:00

D.A.R.E camp afterall rocks?
really got wet like ****.
love my group,Green Lantern!!
Aziz was like,"its her favorite color!!"
retarded.

Let me apologize & make an oath okays?

Denise:
I'm really really sorry.maybe yes,afterall,im self-centered.
that was my mindset,i thought everything would be over.
but you told me it wont?
maybe yes.maybe i should start thinking about it.
& i still wont tell you who taught me.=)its myself!!
lol.

Alicia:
Your bomb explanation was understandable.it made sense.
thanks for giving me many chances.
after you rules are up,i should be different by then.
hopefully,i can change.
all your encouragement never fails to motivate me.
thanks alot.
thanks for being there when i needed help.
though im not always there for you.
thank you.
-professional in threatening me.-.-

Lijing,Waihian,Weining:
Good Luck for your "n" & "o" respectively.
& what professional threateners you are.

Michele:
sorry for everything.
but thanks for being there for me.
maybe you might not understand,but your toilet brain of yours has always guided me back again.
thank you!=)

sorry to all you guys fro making you worried.
i know it was a crazy move,but did it out of...nevermind.
sorry sorry.
hopefully i can stop it.

TL,i still hate you.

~ends~

2009-06-01T20:52:00.003+08:00

i really dont know anything.
why do everyone say there is hope?
i dont see any light on my walkway.
where is it?
am i on the path to hell?
or what?
i dont know.

whatever yea?
im not fit to be anyone's friend.

TL,i really hate you when you're not online.
screw your nuts.-.-
too bad that tmr i wont be.
asshole.

who is that girl i see,staring straight back at me.
when will my reflection show who i am inside.

aku tidak layak untuk jadi kawan kepada seseorang.

~au revior~

2009-05-31T22:51:00.002+08:00

really got alot of scoldings.
enough.
get alive man,get alive.
its my fault,i admit.

aunty madeline keeps telling me to know my objective-she set a goal for me-to pass all subjects at the end of the year.
uncle robert keeps telling me to ignore my classmates,they are making me dig my grave.
uncle nicolas,a lawyer,tells me that there are 2 types of ppl-good & bad.it depends on who i want to follow.(he spoke in a chimer english)

i really have no choice left.
its time for me to change,just start afresh,like wat michele said.
the story which alicia told me,was really a touching one.
what waihian said,was really true.
& weining,an open apology to you:
Im Sorry.

screwed life,screwed me.

~ends~

2009-05-30T23:56:00.003+08:00

Meet-the-parents totally sucks.
Mr.Foo complained to my mum alot.
30mins.
& i was told to leave the class during the session.
knew it.
my list of offences,pile of bad records,got refered to mum.
damn thick..
whacked me for those.

went to find mrs loh to kill time whilst mr foo complained to mum.
all the teachers in the stuff room looked at me saying,"where's your parent?i want to complain.everytime give me relieve."
i simply smiled.they laughed.
walked around & went back.
then brought mum to see mrs loh.
mrs loh talked to her happily & related what happened yesterday.
got pissed.
whack me again.

mum then talked to cabbage.
cabbage complained alot.
got whack for the 3rd time.
walked down to meet up with sibs & ahma.
mum complained to ahma.
got a terrible dressing down from her.
had lunch & took 157 to church.
was late for class for 30mins.

played a stupid,not fun game.
ruined my mood more.
class finished & i passed jerome a letter.
my reply to his letter,2 paged.
went to find mum.
went to novena.
saw arvin after service.asked him to convince bro to join the altar servers ministry.
he did.

went to have dinner & went to ahgongs workplace.
then went to get stuff.
mum says im a total gangster.
anyways,im gonna sum up wat mr.foo said(as wat i heard).

She is straight forward.but sometimes it hurts others.
when she's nice,she can be real damn nice.but when she's not,she will be real damn not.
she is hot & bad-tempered,stubborn & defiant,self-centered.
she has bad attitude & behavior
she thinks she is right when she's not.
always arguing with others.
at times,she can be real quiet & at times,real noisy.
can have a good mood & bad mood suddenly.
mood swings always happen.
really aggresive.

screw it.
all the teachers agreed on this testimonial.
self-centered...am i?
maybe i am...
noisy...
maybe i should just shut up.

have finally come to a conclusion.
will not force happiness & laughter out of me anymore.
should just be my normal quiet self in class...
will not see me smile,will not hear me laugh.
whatever.
i got affected deeply.

problems rolling in again.
too many to handle.
i wish death was on my side.
screw it.
i want to die.

MOOD'S SCREWED.

~ends~

2009-05-30T00:46:00.002+08:00

29th may
Mood has been totally ruined by some teachers.
let me specify,A TEACHER.

Recieved a message from Pig that Miss Siew caused the class trouble all becaus eof my ****ing face.
great.
like come on,you're the one wasting my time you know.
it's not the right time to smile at me some more.
i'm already worn out with more work to do can?
fine.
my fault.
i'm sorry.

Mood totally went wrong after that.
it was physics.
when mrs peng entered the class,i merely said "huh,she going to teach again.."
I MERELY SAID THAT OKAY.
& yet,she scolded the class with that example whilst staring hard at me.
simply ignored her.
the point where my volcano nearly erupted.
i wanted to speak up for lia,but just controlled myself,
for i knew i would get into a heated argument between teacher & student.
so i just kept quiet.

it was then eugene suddenly asked about something or for something.
i got so irritated & just asked a rhetorical question "eugene,are you a retard?"
cheekiat replied my question by saying "he is already one"
i just giggled & reponded "you very bad".
i didnt knew mrs peng would stare at us.

10mins before the bell rang.
after talking to lia.
called me & cheekiat up.
scolded us.
like WHAT THE F***.
said that my heart's made of stone,attitude sucks,etc.
whatever yea?
because she doesnt know how it feels like to be insulted at,being called at.
i simple just defied whatever she said.
she ask,"do you like me calling you a retard" then "let me ask you.are you a retard?"
i simply answered,"yes,i admit i am a retard.everyone has their own retard points"
i would have really slapped her real hard if i could.

she continued scolding cheekiat then me.
bell rang & class was dissmissed for amaths/poa.
mrs loh was outside the classroom.
mrs peng went to complain about this matter to her.
i just kept quiet.

could not concentrate during amath.
even though i understood the inverse matrix,i still could not concentrate.
the recess bell rang & it was recess.
with only me & liyun behind,mrs loh spoke to me.
At least she scolded me in a nicer way ok?
i totally shook my head & nodded to her questions.
And she said,

"Why did you say that just now?Do you know that what you said could be very sensitive to others?You may think its funny,but eugene is a special ability student.he is irritating i know,but you must be sensitive towards others.You're a nice & sweet girl with good intentions,but what your weakness is is that sometime you always talk without thinking.From the way i see you arguing with your classmates,you may say its fun,friend-friend argument.But if you're really a friend,you would not argue back,even if they insult.Life is never nice.We have to give & take.If you ask this question in the future,you will get involved into a lot of trouble.You say others insult what.but others insult,must you follow them?If you see someone smoking or taking drugs,must you follow them?Its all on the brain,you must think.You try scolding someone a vulgarity.If they want to blow up the matter,they can report you to the police & you'll end up in the wrong side.So please be sensitive.Have i not told you many times to think before you talk?You're a girl you know."

i told her other stuff & if was lucky that i didnt got detention.
the conversation was just an extract.
it lasted about 10mins.
so in total,20mins of scolding.

But i will listen to mrs loh.
not mrs peng or mr foo.

coming to mr foo.
he DIRECTLY insulted me in an indirect manner.
fine,whatever ya?
scolded for another 10mins.
so total time taken=30mins.

MOOD SPOILERS.

Had band & forgot to bring band t-shirt.
went to westmall after band but just walked away from Pig & ch.
really sorry.
i couldnt concentrate in band too.
just worried about many things...

Meet the parents is up later.
so i'd better start resting now.
hopefully i will be able to wake up on time.
Screw everyone.

Friends are people who stick to you when you dont need help & leave you when you do.
But,
True/Best/Close friends are people who stick with you through thick & thin,through your sorrow & miseries.

i wonder where are they now...

~Adios~

2009-05-23T23:37:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to Aloysius!!
Happy Belated Birthday Wishes to Vienna!!

had celebration in class.
celebrated the 2 peeps birthday.
not really a celebration,just cake,song & home.
walked with vanessa d.
really had a hard time with amanda L.
-.-

Jerome looks like E.T.!!!
OMG@@@
HE IS ABCDEFG CUTE!!

okays,enough praising.
went home.
slacked.
played audition.
really bored on saturdays.

toilet didnt go for class today.-.-

~Adios~

2009-05-21T20:11:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAIHIAN the penguin!!!
doesnt mean you're 16,you can watch NC16 movies ah!!
lol.
joking.

anyways,
got back most of the papers.
English-46/80 ;1st in class
Chemistry-not "A"
Physics-not "A"
Chinese-29/60(paper2),14/20(paper3);
paper2- I NEARLY PASSED!!!i failed by a mark...=(
Social Studies-29/50 ;not "A"
History-35/50 ;2nd in class

still got double math to go.
hopefully can get it back by tmr.
i didnt expect to pass physics,ss & history.
i expected to fail.
but it proved me wrong.
haha.=D
cool.
i didnt get an "A" though.
but overall,i hope that i will.

history next.
it was before recess.
as usual,i tried getting marks for someone.
i managed to bug mr.bambang to give someone a mark.
hopefully overall someone will pass.

recess.
boring thing.
as usual,staircase.
dongyao,stanley,samuel was there,making so much noise.
rachel could not take them,i could not do anything.
so i kept quiet.
also,name was called out & i collected my IC.
lol.

moving on to chinese.
mdm toh gave us our listening comprehension first.
i passed.
then she gave us back our paper2.
i flunk it.
by just a mark.A MARK!!
i bugged her to give me a mark for paper2,but she was the marker & she didnt wanted to.
ignored her.
didnt do corrections except for only one blank question.
& since she didnt want to give me a mark. ._.
lesson ended with me laughing because of the way the china kid pronounced her name.
lol.

i talked to mdm toh about my overall,my paper1.
she said she looked at my paper1 & it was actually not bad,also another borderline fail.
overall she said,i might fail,but it all still depends on my oral.
oral...screw it.
i hope i pass chinese this time round.

Sorry Alicia Pig,I failed Chinese..=(
but i will keep trying!
like what you said,determination.

E Math was slacking.
read garfield comics & just started giggling to myself.
lol.

home sucks as usual.

~Au Revior~

2009-05-19T16:30:00.002+08:00

everyday's a horrible day.
unlucky,unhappy.
fished up.

gonna blog in french,dont understand,go find a translator yourself.

je me demande pourquoi des déchirures gardent coulent juste & il l'arrêt de coutume. de tous les jours, je pleurerais juste, pour les raisons que j'ai mis même sait.je demande pourquoi.j'essaie de contrôler mes émotions, mais quelquefois je perds juste il.indépendamment de que je fais, je dois garder juste forcer m'à sourire & rit quelqu'un devinerait même que je truque ? non. personne boîte.je parce que tout le monde est a centré automatiquement dans leur propre mes opinions, mes pensées, relâchent un peu, mais personne apprécie.j'ai gardé demander me pourquoi whould je veux même juste garder les gens d'essayer et marque heureux & rire.mais que la réponse garde juste venir de mon coeur.je ne sait pas toujours pourquoi

whatever i do is wrong,whatever i dont do is also wrong.
so what do i have to do?
die?overdose of panadols?slash?
i dont know.

here's a quote from The Ramen Girl:
"Put your tears into the broth"
which means,
"Put your feelings & emotions in whatever you do"

~Adiós~

2009-05-16T21:13:00.004+08:00

This is craps.
Aint knowing why im so...so hot-tempered,sluggish,sloppish.
im weird i admit.
but...
nevermind.
forget it.
i shall just take a step back & reflect.
reflect on me,my surroundings.
im just a useless freak,an idiotic one.
sorry for everything,though.

Not Fit To Be Anyone's Friend

will not talk to anyone from now onwards.
unless they talk to me.
ps:im not being emo

-desole pour tout suis une sans coeur person.desole pour vexer vous peupler.
(its in french)

2009-05-13T21:42:00.002+08:00

Not really in the mood to update.
but,ive to say something:

WANT TO IGNORE ME?
FUCK OFF!
I WONT ENTERTAIN YOU.

thanks to my dogs who really cheered me up today.
-appreciate what you have before its too late.

~Adios~

2009-05-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

I sometimes wonder why my life is messed up.,
when others are happy with what & who they are.
I sometimes wonder why my life is screwed,
when others are having a peaceful life out there,enjoying every moment.
I wonder why...

Totally Screwed...
Everything has just taken a down turn..
all my problems seem to get bigger & not shrinking at all.
what a ****ed up life im having.
wow.
too many problems on my mind,during MYE.
Screw this shit.
why?
i dont know.
Everything's gone wrong.
no one shall know my feelings or emotions.
i should just remain a mystery...

Let me be my mysterious self..

~Au Revior~

2009-05-09T23:29:00.002+08:00

Im sorry for whatever ive done or said.
sorry for not being there.
sorry for many things that are not published.
after reading your blog,i feel remourseful.
im a failure.
i cant even cheer you up.
i dont know why im even called your friend.

i dont know why i have friend.
for a heartless person like me,should not have friends.
i dont know how to react,i dont know what to say.
im just...a robot.
someone who just think of myself..
sorry....

maybe i should just quieten down & be my mysterious self..
maybe that'll help..
im really sorry for not cheering you up.

~ends~

had a heart to heart talk with azura.
finally,i knew how she was feeling & we shared our stuff,
experiencing the same thing thats happening,especially when her birthday is near.

im just a failure.

~double ends~

2009-05-09T22:46:00.003+08:00

A story written by me.Title given by Alicia Pig~

2)Everything's Over

I am Marlina, A.K.A, Marl.
Born on 18th February 1998,in Chile,Santiago.
I was being brought up in a spanish-speaking family,where money was a problem.
My family was poor.
We hardly had proper food to eat.
My dad used up most of his savings to send me to school.
I was the oldest child & i received the better treatment,as compared to my siblings.
I was sent to Santiago's National School to study & i worked very hard to be graduated & enter college.
Since Santiago had no college,& since i was the top five students in the state,
I received a scholoarship to study in the states.

Dad didnt consent to me living in the states alone,but after mum persuaded him,he relented.
A week before i left,mum kneaded woolen sweaters & sewed some clothes for me.
I cried & told her that everything will be fine.
Dad worked very hard for that one week,to get extra pay.
On my last day in Santiago,
Dad gave me all his money,his remaining savings & a letter that he had written,with the address & number.
I assured my family that I would be alright in the states & that meeting new friends would not be a problem.
Those words I regreted saying,as they saw me off the plane...

The plane landed at 1638hrs,according to the U.S. time.
I made my way to the terminal to retrieve my luggages.
My eyes widened & jaws dropped,as I wow-ed at the beautiful ornaments that was hung high up in the airport.
As I walked further,I could not help but to take pictures of them.
Reaching the taxi stand,i halted a cab & instructed the taxi driver to go to SantaRica Hotel.
Since I am not so fluent in english,the driver hardly understood,but i showed him the map & he made the way there.

Reaching SantaRica Hotel,i checked into a room & unpacked my belongings.
Decided to have a rest as there was school the next day.

First Day Of School.
Woke up at 0630hrs to bathe & get changed for school.
Took the bus to school but it seemed to have gone the wrong way.
Immediately got off & asked for directions.
A kind soul actually drove me to school.

Upon reaching school,
I nervously walked up the steps that lead to the principal's office.
My hand shivered as I brought my hand closer to the door knob,
but i screamed when the door opened & heaved a sigh of relive when it was the princpal himself.
He brought me to my new class & handed my a time-table sheet.
"okay class,we have a new student today.Name's Marlina."
"Ohmygod,she is ****ing disgusting!" I heard someone say.
I nearly cried as the principal told the student off.
The teacher was friendly & asked me to introduce myself to the class.
After some introduction,she asked me to sit beside Jasmine,a typical but hyped up student.
She was my buddy 'till I got to know the school better.

After school,
Jasmine brought me around.
Around school,mall & her home.
Her mum was friendly & asked me to stay over for dinner.
I humbly accepted the invitation.

As time passed,I got to know Jasmine more.
And before we knew it,we were the best of friends.
It was not until one day,my heart fell for a guy named Micheal.
He was handsome,sweet,crazy & the hottest guy in school.
Soon,I found myself falling in love with him.

Jasmine noticed some changes & I confessed that I had liked him.
Unknowingly,she had liked him too!
I didnt want matter to get worse but everything was over when she said,"I hate you.Leave me alone."
I didnt know what to do.
My best of friend,cut off ties with me over a guy!!
What A nuisance!

A year passed & we got into the second year of college,which means we got to choose the subjects we wanted to take.
I opted to take English,Higher Mathematics,Astronomy,Reactive Science,Literature,World studies.
I did not know that Micheal had opted the same subjects as me!!
I was over the moon.
I thought that Jasmine would forget about everything but to my displeasure,she still liked him.
Micheal got to know me better & we became good friends.
Jasmine got jealous & tried means & ways to snatch him to her side,but to no avail.

Four months passed & everyone thought that Micheal & I was engaged in a relationship.
But no,we werent.
It was not until a night,where the stars shined so brightly,
he asked me on a date & proposed to me with a box which contained a ring.
I accepted his proposal & we were the most romantic couple in school after that day.
We were together even after we graduated from college & moved on to work.
He worked in Chicago while I worked in NewYork.
Three years passed & we were still dating,until...

Until Jasmine decided to have her revenge on me,for she thought I had taken her beloved away.
She planned a murder,which was to be blamed on me.
She hired professionals to kill Micheal.
The evidence they left behind,was all linked to me.
I was arrested.
Was found guilty,even though I told the truth,& was sentenced to a year imprison.
Revenge was indeed sweet,as I saw her laugh while I was escorted to the dungeon.

Life in prison was terrible.
The food was scarce,the conditions was bad.
I cried to myself every night,as I mourn the death of my sweet boyfriend,Micheal.
A year passed,& I was released.
I found the company I used to work at but when I went there,they looked down on me & ignored me.
I called my friends for help,but everyone rejected my call.
Death awaited me.

As days passed,no help arrived,no one called.
I decided,there was only one way out.
DEATH.
I went to the roof of th 48-storey building.
& before I jump,
I want to tell you mum & dad,that i love you,
& everything's over for me.

Whoever shall find this letter,please send it back to this address:
Chile,Santiago
48 Pellinto Street,3652
Mr & Mrs Chezvo

Love,
Marlina

"Mr & Mrs Chezvo?A letter for you.Please sign here."

After reading the letter,
Mr & Mrs Chezvo was at a loss of words.
they could do nothing,now that their oldest child was dead.
& all Mr Chezvo sighed was,"My Everything's Gone"

~The End~

will write & publish another story tomorrow,if im free.
as for now,please give your comments about this story.

2009-05-07T20:13:00.003+08:00

That's it!
I've had enough of everyone's nonsence.
Has anyone spared a thought for me?
NO.
You people happily insult me & find fault with me,
you expect me to just accept your insults & live in hurt?
you expect me to just let you scold me?
NO.
You people are just selfish.simple selfish.
You dont care about what others think or feel.
You only care about yourself.

therefore,i conclude that i will not talk to anyone in class except for liyun,my row.
(about others,as per normal,ppl like Alicia,Waihian,Lijing,Weining,etc etc.)
since no one appreciates,what should i talk to them?
why should i force myself to be happy & laugh?
i should just start to be myself,
my quiet self,
so that i will remain a mystery.

I accepted & carried the cross that God placed on me.
But it was heavy & it dropped.
I tried many ways to carry it back.
But God helped me.

Panda's are emotional & quiet animals.

~Au Revoir~

2009-04-30T22:25:00.004+08:00

yea.
whatever.
im speechless about myself.

anyway,
it was an emotional day for me,especially when im running a flu with an on-off headache.
it was social studies & we got our test paper back.
as usual,sihui got the highest with me ranking up next with a mark of 20/25.
it was english next & i really didnt felt well enough to do the vocabulary.
in the end,
passed 2 of them & failed 1.

after that was history & my health deteriorated.
i harldy could remember all the notes & i couldnt answer any questions.
it was 3minutes before recess & i got to leave early,according to the rule of being a councillor.
saw dragon & he made a stupid face & sound to me.
told him to shut up.
then said "hi" to weining also.

went to my designated staircase,D2,located near 1E5 classroom.
started to copy the question requiring graphical method & made an achievement of only having done a question.
chinese was a boring lesson & i totally fell asleep.
with my being half-asleep,i nearly shouted at mdm toh,for she banged hard on my desk,disturbing my beauty sleep.
had 2 periods of elementary mathematics after that & with it being the last 2 periods of the day,the teacher could drag our time.
speak of the devil,she did,for 15minutes.

took my bag & stuff,headed to settle at the brown tables located outside the AVA room.
liyun & i had to finish up our english summary.
handed in,not to the teacher,but in her pigeon hole.
then,had our lunch at a coffee shop near westmall.
then walked around westmall but ended up buying stuff at popular.
departed bukit batok by boarding bus serivce 189 home.

progress today:
-didnt laugh alot.only laughed at 5%.

i have to admit,i hate that.
im sorry for assuming.im sorr for everything.
the only reason explainable for this is because people puts the blame on me & i humbly accept them.
my conscience is haunting me because i force myself to laugh.
i really dont know what i should do.
failure..im sucha failure..
i cant even cheer people up.

~Au Revoir~

2009-04-27T22:25:00.002+08:00

have not updated for a long time.
LONG to say.

got screwed on thursday.
had band on friday with a bad mood running on.
saturday,with a long history on church.
got damn angry at the choir secretary on sunday.
maybe not so.
passed my physics test!!
but flung my math test,after results were collected today.

totally disgusted.
well,
i could not help but to just force my weakling inside me to put on a smile,
force the laughter out.
what should i say..?
i dont know?
getting a stick from inging tomorrow,it will all depend on that one decision.
that one decision will decide my future now.

anyways,thaks to Cheetat,Kenneth & conan for making my smile back alive in class.
as well as the video than Conan uploaded.

~Au Revoir~

2009-04-22T19:50:00.002+08:00

i really dont know how to explain.
why are friends called friends?
why are there families when none of them care about you?
why are there things that you dont understand about yourself?
why must all of you insult for fun?
why?

I've had enough.
Im not gonna force myself to smile anymore.
I not gonna laugh or smile to school or whatsoever.
since insulting me is fun,go ahead.
i dont give a shit anymore.
since friends are called friends for fun,
might as well betray me continuosly,hate me,backstab me.
since families dont care about me,might as well ask them to treat me as someone invisible,someone who they dont know of.

Im sick & tired of everything.
no one understands,maybe one or two,but not others do.
i come home,get ****ed up.
start crying as i think about the day.
at home,no one cares.
even if im sick,no one cares.
even if im starving,no one cares.
whats' the use of living in this pathetic useless world?

No sibling of my blood.
no one understands.
oh,how i wish that i could just jump off a building.,
to end my troubles,to end my worries.

no one could ever place themselves in my shoes.
no one understands my plight.
maybe some could.
but....
nevermind.

off now,hopefully i would be online someday.
byes.

~ends~

2009-04-21T20:19:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONAN the Barbarian!!

-no mood
-fish shit.screwed everyhing.
-you'll never understand if you weren't in my shoes.

~ends~

2009-04-19T22:46:00.002+08:00

1: Beside your lips, where is your favourite spot to get kiss?
-cheeks?

2:How do you feel When you wake up this morning?
-Tired.damn tired.

3:Who was the last person you took a picture with?
-I cant remember leii.liyun?liza?

4:Would you consider to be spoilt?
-No.

5:Would you ever donate blood?
-For charity,yes.

6:Do you have a good friend of the opposite sex?
-Yea.

7:Whats does your last message says?
-"2moro got wat math"

8:Do you want someone dead?
-No.i dont wanna kill anyone

9:What are you thinking now?
-Panda.& more pandas.

10:Did you wish someone was with you right now?
-Yea...

11:What time did you sleep last night?
-11 plus?

12:Where did you bought your t-shirt you're wearing now?
-Toa Payoh

13:Is someone on your mind right now?
-Yea

14:Who were the last 3 person you text you?
-Alicia,Kenneth & Liyun

15:Do you have secrets?
-Yea.

16:Would you fall in love with a boy/girl who is younger/older then you?
-Yea.

17:Do you enjoy going to school?
-Maybe?

18:What would you do with a Billion dollars?
-Donate to charity & get stuff i want.

19:will you fall in love with your bestfriend?
-Impossible.they're girls.

20:Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
-both?

21:List out any of your most favourite bands.
-Paramore,Farenheit,SHE.

22:Would you still kiss your Ex?
-No way!

23:Have you ever had your heart broken?
-Yea...

24:Do you believe cheating is bad?
-Yes.

25:Are you missing someone special right now?
-Yes

26:Do you want childrens?
-dont know.

27:If yes, How many?Refer to Qns 26
-2?

28:Would you consider adoption?
-Yea.

29:If someone like you right now, Would you want them to tell you?
-No.

30:Do you believe in celebrating and anniversary?
-Depends.

31:Do you get butterfiles when you're around your crush?
-yea..

32:Do any of your EXs still have feelings for you?
-Yea.......-.-

33:Have you slept at your BF/GF house before?
-No.

34:Who would you spend the most time of your life with?
-Friends,family

35:Does anyone know your password to your friendster beside yourself?
-Friendster is soooo outdated.

36:Are you a emotional person?
-Kinda.

37:Have you ever lost a friendship over something stupid?
-Yea..

38:What is the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
-Face

39:Are you afraid of pain?
-Maybe?

40:If you're unhappy, what will you do?
-Talk to my Eeyore.

Tag 5 person to do this quiz!
-Alicia
-Lijing
-Michele
-Serika
-Waihian

~ends~